It's Time

This past year and a half has probably been the hardest year Jason and I have had in our almost 10 year marriage. Those of you that are closest to us will understand. We have had our ups and downs financially, We had our niece that lived with us for a while. With that, we also cut contact with several family members. Needless to say, this has been very hard for all of us. Hard for my boys, because they didn't understand why. Hard for Jason and I, because we felt we were doing the best we could with the situation. Also, I'm sure, hard for the other parties involved because we weren't "a family" anymore. That was the hardest for us.

I always felt that eventually things would pass. One month went by. Then 6 months. Then 1 year. Now as we are approaching a year and a half, my heart has had a HEAVY feeling to make things right. We welcomed a new baby into the family, and I had no intention to have any part of it. My eyes filled with tears at just the thought of that new baby. When we received the call that "She was here!", I fell apart. I cried for hours. How can this be happening? How can a part of my family, a part of my husband and my children, just be ignored? I could not and would not do that. I got myself together, and after over a year of not seeing each other, slowly walked through the halls of that hospital to find her. I had to see her. I had missed her. I felt like she needed me. What I didn't realize is that I needed her too. I needed to see that she was ok. That she was good. That things were good this time. I opened the door and all I saw was this little perfect baby wrapped in the tiniest pink blanket. Both Mommy and I were in shock at the sight of seeing each other. I feel like she knew I was coming. We hugged each other, nothing too long or emotional. She looked at me and said "There she is. Pick her up!" And so I did. Instant Love. Just like her sister. Beautiful. Perfect.

We sat and made small talk for what I know was at least an hour. I knew family and friends would soon be coming in to meet the new Princess, so I asked her if I could have just a few minutes with her. Alone. Whether I was ready for it or not, the moment of silence was coming. What would I say to her? What did I come to say to her? When the door closed, I sat still for a moment. And then another. Finally when the quiet was uncomfortable, I said my peace. And I cried. I cried for her for what she had been through. I cried for what she had put all of us through. My tears were for her troubles, how much I wanted her to know that I KNOW she can do it. I told her how I had missed her, the old her, the her that I KNEW was there.

We have always had a strange "bond" if you would say. I can also go as far as to say that I think she looks up to me. She has told me this before. So I felt sure that whatever I said to her, she would listen. I am no pro by any means, but I know her. And she did just that. She listened. She said thank you and that she loved me. I felt like things were finally going to be ok.

We have talked nearly every day or every other day since then. I have stopped by to see her once, but things got busy and I haven't been back. There was still one element of the issue that had not been resolved and it was going to be my biggest challenge: Getting my husband on board.

This has never been a "textbook" family... At least not in the 11 or so years I have been around. There are dynamics in it that make it very confusing sometimes to keep up with who belongs to who. But there has never been a lack of love. Some families show there love in different ways. This would be the case here. Such as the Mother-In-Law/Daughter-In-Law relationship I have with husbands mother. It's no secret. It is the epitome of every joke you've heard about disfunctional in-laws. That would be us.

Over the past few months, however, I have once again had a heavy heart regarding that relationship. I would call her or text her occasionally, and she would do the same. I really wanted to go at it again this time and make things different. Sure, some things had to be addressed, and some changes from ALL of us (myself included), but we needed to move on. It has been long enough. I would mention these things to Hubby and he would shoot it down real quick. His hurt had gotten the best of him, and now it was eating him. Rotting him. You know, the ugly kind of hurt where it just is unhealthy to bring it up to him.

Several months passed and after the birth of the little Princess, I thought I could try again. After visiting the hospital, I came home and told Hubby all about it. He was happy that she was here and healthy..... but nothing else. I was dealing with something that was inside of him that really needed some coaxing to get out. So, about once a month I would chat back in for with the MIL and she would always tell me how much he missed us, really begging to come and see us.

The dealbreaker was a conversation I had with my sister in law regarding her husband and the baby. A situation took place my SIL was very confused and worried about. In the end, my SIL made one of the most self-less decisions and did what was best for the little Princess. I could not have been happier. I came home and told hubby... his eyes filled with tears, and he said, "What's Sis' number... I want to call her and tell her how PROUD I am of her...". I gave him the number and the next thing I know they are both crying. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. To see things come full circle again for us. But there was still one element missing.

After the phone conversation, he told me how happy he was. He had waited so long for this day to come. He was truly so proud of her and me of him. I told him then, "Doesn't it feel great? To speak to her, knowing she is doing so well. Knowing she has waited to hear from you?"
He of course said yes. Then I said.. "Let's do the same with your mom. Let's start fresh with everyone. Let's give her that chance too.".... He hesitated for a moment. He sat up and looked at me and said, "Yea baby, it's time".

We have a fun afternoon scheduled for Sunday with everyone. It's Time.

Reconnect

Life has been crazy lately. Kids are doing great in school. Jason's business has been blessed beyond belief. I just recently started my own business and it is going well. My boys are growing up so fast that sometimes I forget to just slow down and soak it all up. We do our school work at night, baths, homework, have friends over, go to the lake, hang out with friends, ride 4 wheelers fish, catch bugs, feed our dogs, play with all the other animals in our house, take care of our garden. For some unknown reason I don't just sit down and blog about it... I wonder why??? Maybe because I don't make the time! Somewhere in between all of that we work and do the laundry and housework. The boys decided against doing any sports this spring, and to be honest with you, I was so relieved. I LOVE to watch my boys on the field, but we all wanted a break. And it was a much needed one.

Welcome 2010

With this new year, I plan to do alot more blogging. I really enjoyed it before, but with going back to work, my blogging got put on the back burner. There are several other things I plan to do this year as well:

• Stop Smoking! I have done really well so far, and gotten down to about 2 a day. There is just too much to lose to continue to put these awful things in my body!
• Lose weight and get in shape! This is something that Jason and I are wanting to do together. We have been together well over 10 years now, and alot has moved, grown, etc. on our bodies since then! It will also be a great way to spend some quality time together.
• Get my family back to church. We have drifted away in that area, and I really want to get us back.
• Be more prompt. With everything. 'nuff said.
• Spend more quality time with our boys. They are growing so fast, and I don't want to miss a minute of it.

So what do you plan to do differently this year?